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Maintenance Day 16
Lift Day
Today's Waist = 34"; Down 1/4"
Target Waist = 32" - 34"
Target Scale = 195# +/- 5#
It is the very definition of failure to focus on that which we DO NOT have.
This morning I am most thankful for -
* My relationship with my goddaughter, which we have both invested in these last several years. She is a bad bitch with a 275 squat, and ride or die, which is a rare and welcome addition to my life.
* Cousin G. His clan has always gotten a bad rap in our family. Bad influence and all that. Pish, say I. G and his brothers know how to LIVE. They've accumulated many lifetimes of living in the time they were here. In the day they had a restaurant/nightclub where bands like Earth Wind and Fire and many jazz greats would stop to play between stadium gigs. Fuck. Yes. Who's done that? Many many many many other episodes. Yes, they probably snorted the cash register dry. Whatever. Proud to claim him.
* The Minx. A wise man once said, "Intimacy is the crucible within which healing takes place." The Minx was that crucible for me. I for her as well, I hope. Transformative relationships are rare. Mostly I feel like we run the same patterns over and over in our lives. I came to understand my patterns, my lifetime of often crazy relationships with women, through her, through our thing. Not pining for a reboot, or deluded that she is sui generis, but she will always be, rightfully, special to me. Thank you, baby! Super grateful for all that GGL and the solid foundation for the future.
* Jonathan. I have known, mostly through the hellscape of couples counseling, A LOT of shrinks. Jonathan is wiser than them all by far, mostly listens and asks a question here or there, guided me through the minx thing and charges, wait for it, ZERO. No fee. No bum rush out the door at 50 minutes. Just a tip jar. Some kinda communist/Buddhist shit. Whatever, it's genius, and he's worth a multiple of the park Ave pill dispensers.
* #1. Grateful that he pushed through his shit and is making moves in the world. Even more grateful for the relationship. Since he's been working these last few months, I've been picking him up after his shift. He eats and downs a couple beers and we talk. Mostly I listen. In retrospect, he has been asking me about stuff, talking through his business ideas, relationships, fears, mom, all of it. Honored.
* #2 Again, the relationship. He lived with mom for a couple years and it blew up. As happens. When he came home, I asked him what he wanted. He said that he wanted to handle his own business and that mom treated him like a child. OK. I gave it to him. That's been a process, as he has come to discover the true nature of responsibility, but it has made us partners in his growth, and I am grateful for the privilege and opportunity.
* Pop. This is a tough one for me, but the truth is that he is low maintenance relative to his peers, and that his heart is in the right place. He wants to contribute. In fact, his own inability to do so surely offends him way more than anybody else.
* Big Brother. Actually my older cousin, but I'll claim him. 100% ride or die. Has had my back as long as I can remember. Business failure. Check. Divorce. Check. Custody battle. Check. Literally offered, on the steps of the church in which I was about to get married, to drive getaway. Apparently, he's also prescient. He's disinvited as well. Assuming that's because of our relationship, but who knows. Maybe I'm blackballed because of him! Or we've independently earned out blackballedness. It's a plus regardless!
* The Rest of the Cousins. Easter. Birthday Parties. Wedding coming up in October. There is a ton of stuff to which we ARE invited. In fact, it's just one clan, on each side, where we are not. They got beef, that's on them. I refuse. Investing where it's reciprocated. Not reciprocating any negativity.
* Rabbits in the back yard. WTF Waiting for our fox to pull through....
Skipped the gym again, which closed super early, and racked up another unplanned rest day. Spent my calorie budget at the bar on burgers, tater tots, and budweiser. Plan was, in the absence of #1, to day drink at the pool with #2. He bailed to work instead, but we caught up around 11 to shoot off fireworks.
I have a stash from an ancient splurge in that part of the south where the cuisine is unrepentant, the confederate battle flag can still occasionally be glimpsed, and C4 is, I'm fairly certain, legal for home use.
Good god! I had forgotten how crazy this shit was. First shot was this tiny little thing. Inch and a half by three inch cylinder. Looked like a mini "fountain" out of your kids bag from your neighborhood fireworks stand. Not!
Possessed of the appropriate nonchalance, we fired it up in the middle of the street. Seconds later we were running for the hills yelling Holy Shit and cackling like hyenas. 150' vertical, full report, burst of color. We had a box of those. And more. Remember bottle rockets? Ours launch easily 100' and do a little spark shower before blowing. Ridiculous. At one point we thought it was raining; then realized we, and the parked cars, were being pelted with fallout... Oopsie...
Anyway, all good things must come to an end, and our little fireworks adventure certainly did when we realized that neither one of us had keys. Bwah! The next 45 minutes were spent pounding out go-go beats on the front door in the vain hope that we could wake Pop. Shit was seriously loud. Thankfully the next door neighbors are off running a billion miles with Goggins in the Dead Cat Gultch 72 Hour Independence Day Hellscape Classic, or whatever. Nonetheless, it is nothing short of a miracle that no one called the cops.
Somewhere after midnight, we threw in the towel and broke a back window. After twenty minutes of fussing and fuming and glass clean up and window patching, we pop a beer and plop on the couch.
And who should then appear?
Shuffling down the stairs in his Christmas pajamas, white beard aflow, the very image of Kris Kringle just up from an off season nap?
You guessed it!
Pop arrives at the landing, pauses, surveys the scene, and inquires "So how are you fellas doing?"
No words.
Apologies for confusion inadvertently created wrt "Ex's" in yesterday's post.
"The Ex" is my ex-wife of 15+ years and the mother of my sons. That relationship was a toxic, juvenile, codependent, inebriated shit show, which gave us two terrific kids, and ended in what the experts politely call a "high conflict" divorce. I changed the diapers, got custody, and raised the boys.
That flame doused years before the locks were changed. Successfully co-parented for over a decade and do my best to treat her with the love and respect the mother of my sons deserves. Currently receiving the silent treatment because I declined her request to force #2 to live with her. As the kids say, "it's whatever."
The Minx was a naughty dalliance that became a summer fling that became a thing that became an intimate adventure in healing. Or something like that. Love that girl. Irreconcilable stage of life differences. Knew it going in.
Sun's Out AF!
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90.2 kg
Lost so far: 1.0 kg.
Still to go: 2.6 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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1846 kcal
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Fat: 95.50g | Prot: 93.27g | Carbs: 163.08g.
Lunch: On The Border Queso Blanco without Chips (Cup), Baja Fresh Mexican Grill Side Salsa Roja (8 oz), Baja Fresh Mexican Grill Chips & Guacamole, Baja Fresh Mexican Grill Baja Chicken Burrito . Snacks/Other: Honey, Kroger Fat Free Cottage Cheese. more...
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Losing 1.3 kg a Week
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